Here I am, day 1.

But really it’s more like day 25. Or maybe day 511? I guess it all depends when I started the clock.

But here’s part of my back story:

It’s been 25 days since my husband gave me the idea/ nudge/ bump that I should track my journey as I navigate midlife. I follow a few ladies on social who are well into their peri-menopause/ menopause phase of life, sharing tips and things they seem to have already mastered. But me? It only had recently dawned on me I was experiencing perimenopause symptoms and the need to figure some things out as I proceed into this stage of life. So here I am: I bought a domain name, I’m learning how to build a website, figure out new email settings and everything else technical. Things I am in no way an expert.

My goal is to share the things I am doing – everyday – to manage and improve my symptoms, in hopes to live this phase of my life in the very best way possible. To share my journey in wellness and find balance in everything I do.

I learned I was in perimenopause 511 days ago. I had been chatting with a friend who shared how horrible she was feeling; grumpy, exhausted, and not feeling like her normal self. It all sounded so familiar. She mentioned she started seeing a Functional Medicine (FM) nurse practitioner (NP) who put her on testosterone and the results were life changing.

Life. Changing. Sign me up!

I made myself an appointment with the Functional Medicine NP (who I’ll call PB for short). PB is a highly sought out Functional Medicine practitioner in my area, and typically books 4-6 weeks out for an initial consultation so I was forced to wait. Being patient has never been my strong suit – though I am working on it. After 2 months of (patiently) waiting, my consultation appointment rolled around and I met with PB for the first time. We got to talking and she asked what were the top 3 things I was looking to resolve.

My number one issue was the fact that I was constantly, utterly, and PAINFULLY exhausted. This had gone on for two years (three years? more??) It was hard to remember when exactly my sleep issues began, but I was to the point where I needed to take a 30 minute cat-nap each day just to survive until bed time. At night I would fall into bed and crash fast & hard, but would wake up without fail around 1:30 – 2 am and lay awake for hours – exhausted, but unable to sleep. The lack of sleep was affecting every aspect of my daily life. My fuse was short with my family, I lacked motivation to do anything, and my body hurt.

Second issue was my weight. I explained to PB I had gained around 20 lbs in the previous 18 – 24 months, and something that was incredibly frustrating given I never had issues with my weight. In my previous 43 years of life I never gave it a second thought. I’ve always been an active individual my entire life, comfortable in my skin and body. During COVID shutdown working out took on a whole new meaning, when one of my only opportunities to socialize took place during daily outdoor parking lot workouts with new-found friends I made at Burn Boot Camp. I learned lifting weights was my favorite, burpees were made by the devil, fell in love with my new-found muscles and discovered that lifting and exercise regularly put me in such a better mood. I turned 40 in the summer of 2020 and shortly thereafter things seemed to slowly started to fall apart. I tweaked my lower back right after Christmas 2020 and went down hill faster. I couldn’t work out like I had before and the weight started to creep up. I felt like I let myself down, disappointed, and no matter what I tried, the weight was just THERE and going the wrong direction.

The third and final issue I shared with PB was my embarrassing lack of libido and how it was affecting my relationship with my husband. My husband is my life, my best friend, my trusted life partner for 25+ years, and the lack of desire felt like it was taking a toll on our relationship. I could tell he felt hurt and rejected, but the desire was gone. Poof. Nada. Nuthin’.

PB was kind and listened to everything I shared. I mentioned I brought up these same symptoms to my OB/GYN the previous 2 annual visits, and immediately dismissed – I was too young. I was told I needed a birth control pill and an anti-depressant (what?!?). PB recommended testing my hormones, including a full thyroid panel to get an idea what could be going on. PB assured me that she could get me feeling better, but it would take some time and I would need to be patient (ARGH!). I wanted to feel better NOW. Feel better MONTHS ago. But at least I was taking the first step, and that was a start.

2 weeks after my initial blood draw I met with PB again to discuss the results. Before she was even able to shut the exam room door, she looked at me and said “you need hormones”. My testosterone level was basically at 0; no wonder I wasn’t sleeping and felt like crap! I was smack in the middle of peri-menopause and needed to manage symptoms to get me feeling better. She put me on a testosterone (T) troche, an iron supplement, and pregnenolone to boost my natural production. We talked about exercise and diet; however, the only thing I was to focus on until my next appointment was SLEEP. Without sleep, there was no way I would have the physical energy or the mental capacity to do anything else. Sounded good to me.

I’ve been on T- troches the past 18 months. Admittedly the first 6-9 months I was not consistent taking it daily as I should have been. I was skeptical and frustrated it wasn’t working “fast enough”, maybe expecting to see more immediate results. I told PB at one of my appointments it wasn’t working, that I wasn’t taking it consistently, and I was impatient. She again assured me if I trust the process and take as she directed, I would start to feel better. Feeling encouraged again I began taking the T – troches regularly, and I did (finally!) start to feel better. My sleep very slowly began to improve. I felt like I had a bit more energy and the daily cat-naps became less frequent. I was still waking up nightly, but began to get myself back to sleep if I woke up, rather than laying in bed for hours. Best of all I noticed during certain point in my cycle I started to feel the desire to connect with my husband perk up. Something that absolutely wasn’t there previously. It was working! Patience and consistency was paying off.

I’ve been on regular monitoring with blood tests every 3 months. Things were slowly turning around; while my sleep was improving it still wasn’t “great”. This past summer, PB also put me on progesterone, taking 1 pill nightly during the last 1/2 of my cycle. I was absolutely astounded when I slept thru the night 2 nights in a row once I started the progesterone. I couldn’t remember the last time that phenomenon occurred. I woke up in the morning feeling like a new human being. Two solid night’s of sleep and I felt like I could take on the world. My super-human capabilities activated.

Early summer 2024 I felt I was finally gaining solid traction and feeling more like my normal self. The cat-naps had ceased altogether, I was sleeping through the night more often than not, and felt ready to incorporate a more rigid diet and exercise protocol to get my weight under control. PB shared a book with me called “Fast Like a Girl” by Dr. Mindy Pelz and told me about her own personal experience with fasting to lose stubborn weight. I bought the book, read it in 2 days, and decided I was ready to give it a try. All systems go. I felt great and ready to take on this challenge.

But instead, tragedy entered the picture. I received an insanely terrible phone call one July morning with news that my 46 year old brother had passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly.

And I am crushed.